Opinions please!

This is the current start to my query email for Keep Out! and I'm after some opinions on how it sounds please?!

I am submitting my novel, Keep Out!, for your consideration.  The story is a realistic Middle Grade novel about a mixed race family who are all racially bullied.  Jools, Emma and Jason become inseparable friends.  They go shopping for their CornerRidge Secondary School uniforms together and while Zion (Jools’ older sister) passes her uniform onto Emma to save money, Logan (Jools’ younger brother) throws a strop about not getting anything out of the shopping trip, even though he hasn’t grown out of his current uniform and he’ll be able to go on a shopping trip of his own when he starts at CornerRidge in two years’ time too. 

  

Keep Out! is a 50,000 word novel for readers aged 9-12 and would appeal to those who have enjoyed Billionaire Boy by David Walliams plus the angst of having a sibling as described in Jacqueline Wilson’s Double Act.

Thoughts please?

Book review: Double Act by Jacqueline Wilson

⭐⭐⭐ out of 5

This is a good book for tweens, but after the author's popularity around her books, I was left a little disappointed.

I also got very confused about which twin was talking and writing because the only tell-tale switch between them is the use of the authors italics.  If a different font or different colour or even just the name of the twin followed by a colon immediately before the account entry then it would have been better, but I very quickly got confused about which twin was writing which bit.

It's a good book if you've got a good memory and can put some work into closely following which character is writing in italics but I just found it too hard to keep up with which twin was saying what.

I wish I could give this book more than 3 stars, considering how popular the author is, but I'm left feeling disappointed at the end of it.

Sorry.

Learnt something new this evening!

Apparently what I was missing last night was something called "x meets y" and only needs to be a single sentence rather than the paragraph I was thinking!

Maybe "this manuscript is a British 11 by 12 meets Billionaire Boy" instead of going into why they are similiar!  I'm gonna read the 2 Kindle books I bought yesterday then try and come up with the correct x meets y thingy by the time I go to bed tomorrow.

I can so do this now and it's all thanks to SCBWI-BI!!

Book review: Billionaire Boy by David Walliams

 ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐ out of 5

A fantastic friend recommended this book because I'd asked for books for tweens that heavily featured bullying.

I was initially suspicious because David Walliams is so well-known - surely he's not that good, right?  He must have paid for all the positive publicity or something?

I was wrong. 

So wrong. 

So very wrong.

This is a truly fantastic book for tweens and the author has got everything sooooo right... the language, the humour, the gross bits... Mr Walliams is waaaay up there alongside Enid Blyton for me now!  He returned me to the feeling of being engrossed by a book and wanting it to never end!

Book review: 11 before 12 by Lisa Greenwald

⭐⭐⭐ out of 5

Just finished reading this book and it's not as good as the other reviewers make it out to be unfortunately.  It's slow to start and doesn't really pick up the pace or excitement.  There's very little reason for British tweens to keep turning the pages and there are too many reasons for putting the book down and never picking it up again.

I'm proud of the author for putting her work out across the Atlantic and maybe American tweens would find it more interesting, but I can't give it above 3 stars unfortunately.

Sorry.

Book review: Deputy Paws and the Puppy Mill Cause

⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐ out of 5

I'm very rarely speechless about books but this one has to be read to be believed!

It raises the issue of puppy mill dogs and their health in an incredibly sensitive way for youngsters.  It shows that dogs who are bred and survive in puppy mills are incredibly unhappy pups and that they are either euthanised or handed in to shelters with seemingly no thought.

Our pup is a rescue pup so it's a very important cause to me.  The author has raised a very important reason to avoid pet shops and go to rescue/rehoming centres instead.  The author is reaching out to the next generation who will hopefully put up a fight against puppy mills in the future.

A must-read for everyone!

WTG Peggy!

Just been rejected by an agent

At this time last year I'd have been ready to throw in the towel at the rejection, taken it as a personal attack on me or whatever.

Not any more though.

I realise that my manuscript just wasn't right for them right now and I'm gonna get straight on with subbing to the next agent.

The rejection still hurts, but I'm not gonna give up, I'm gonna put todays date into me spreadsheet along with their comments and click on the URL for the next agent on the list!

Ho hum.  😞